Chapter 6 - Rooted Through the Wilderness
The seed for what I’m now preparing to offer through Sacred Friendship—spiritual direction and formation in Portugal—was planted long before I had the words for it.
Even as a child, I remember having a deep desire for people to know Jesus. At the time, the only way I knew how to interpret that was through missions. So I joined countless outreach projects in Portugal and internationally, always searching for the right fit, the right shape for the dream I carried.
But nothing ever felt quite right.
Back then, I thought what I wanted was evangelism. But looking back now, I see that what I longed for wasn’t just outreach—it was spiritual formation. I wanted to walk with people as they encountered God in deeper, more personal ways. I just didn’t have the language for it yet.
That longing eventually led me to Brazil at 27, where I studied theology and pursued what felt like a holy calling—even if I couldn’t define it clearly at the time. The dream was real, but I wasn’t ready to carry it yet. It needed time. And so did I.
God used the wilderness—the deserts, the silence, the years of waiting and unraveling—to prepare me. Not just to live out the dream, but to live it with depth, with maturity, and with Him at the center.
The funny thing is, by the time I moved to Manhattan, Kansas years later, I was already doing the work I had once dreamed about. I was discipling others, teaching spiritual formation, building relationships rooted in faith and authenticity. I just didn’t realize it at the time. I had stepped into the very thing I’d been longing for, without even knowing its name.
That clarity came when I began training in spiritual direction. Suddenly, everything made sense. What I had been doing naturally for years now had a name. It had structure. It had deeper purpose. And more than anything, it felt like coming home.
It wasn’t a brand-new beginning—it was the moment all the scattered pieces started coming together.
Of course, the path that led me there wasn’t straight. It was full of detours and disappointments I didn’t expect. Seasons of silence. Loss. Deep grief. Moments when I thought I had failed. But none of it was wasted. As Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “Suffering is never for nothing.” I’ve come to believe that with my whole heart.
The heartbreak, the waiting, the unraveling—it wasn’t punishment. It was preparation. God hadn’t discarded the dream. He was deepening it.
Henri Nouwen’s words have also stayed with me:
“Nobody escapes being wounded. But our wounds can become a source of healing when we are willing to put them in service to others”
That’s what spiritual direction has become for me.
Not a place to teach or advise.
But a place to be with.
A space where I can walk alongside others—not because I have answers, but because I’ve learned how to sit in the questions. I don’t offer solutions. I offer presence. Empathy. Deep listening. The same kind of space that others once gave me.
That’s what I hope Sacred Friendship will become in Portugal: a safe place for people to slow down, be seen, and recognize God’s presence in their own story. It’s still taking shape. It’s tender. It’s unfolding. But it’s rooted in a long, slow yes.
And this time, the dream is not about doing something big. It’s about doing something meaningful.
I want to offer others what I didn’t receive in my first desert. Not because people were unwilling—but because they didn’t know better. Most were just repeating what had been done to them.
I know I’m not the only one who has felt spiritually lost in the very places that were supposed to bring life. There are people—many of them—who have been hurt by the church, angry with God, or left carrying wounds they’ve never had space to name.
Some have lost hope. Some have lost faith.
And some are still sitting in the silence, wondering if anyone sees them.
I don’t pretend to have answers. I’m not here to fix anyone. I’m not the Holy Spirit.
But I do know what it’s like to be in the wilderness. And I know what it means to be met there—not with shame, but with compassion.
What I’ve been given, I want to offer.
Empathy. Presence. Friendship. Companionship.
A non-judgmental space to breathe, to be, and to begin again.
That’s what Sacred Friendship is.
That’s what I have to give.
To be Continued
Next: The invitation—what if this could be for you, too?