6 - Rooted Through the Wilderness
The seed for what I am now preparing to offer through Sacred Friendship — spiritual direction and formation in Portugal — was planted long before I had the words for it.
Even as a child, I carried a deep desire for people to know Jesus. At the time, the only way I knew how to interpret that longing was through missions. So I joined outreach projects in Portugal and internationally, always searching for the right fit, the right shape for the dream I carried. But nothing ever felt quite right. Back then, I thought what I wanted was evangelism. Looking back now, I can see that what I longed for was spiritual formation. I wanted to walk with people as they encountered God in deeper, more personal ways. I simply did not have the language for it yet.
That longing eventually led me to Brazil at 27, where I studied theology and pursued what felt like a holy calling, even if I could not define it clearly at the time. The dream was real, but I was not ready to carry it yet. It needed time. And so did I.
God used the wilderness — the deserts, the silence, the years of waiting and unraveling — to prepare me. Not just to live out the dream, but to live it with depth, maturity, and with Him at the center.
By the time I moved to Manhattan, Kansas years later, I was already doing the work I had once dreamed about. I was discipling others, teaching spiritual formation, and building relationships rooted in faith and authenticity. I just did not realize it at the time. I had stepped into the very thing I had been longing for, without yet knowing its name. That clarity came when I began training in spiritual direction. Suddenly, everything made sense. What I had been doing naturally for years now had a name. It had shape. It had deeper purpose. And more than anything, it felt like coming home. It was not a brand-new beginning. It was the moment all the scattered pieces began to come together. Of course, the path that led me there was not straight. It was full of detours and disappointments I did not expect. Seasons of silence. Loss. Deep grief. Moments when I thought I had failed. But none of it was wasted. As Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “Suffering is never for nothing.” I have come to believe that with my whole heart.
The heartbreak, the waiting, the unraveling — it was not punishment. It was preparation. God had not discarded the dream. He was deepening it.
Henri Nouwen’s words have also stayed with me:
“Nobody escapes being wounded. But our wounds can become a source of healing when we are willing to put them in service to others”
That is what spiritual direction has become for me.
Not a place to teach or advise. But a place to be with.
A space where I can walk alongside others not because I have all the answers, but because I have learned how to stay with the questions. I do not offer solutions. I offer presence, empathy, and deep listening. The same kind of space that others once gave me.
That is what I hope Sacred Friendship will become in Portugal: a safe place for people to slow down, be seen, and recognize God’s presence in their own story. It is still taking shape. It is tender. It is unfolding. But it is rooted in a long, slow yes.
And this time, the dream is not about doing something big. It is about doing something meaningful.
I want to offer others what I did not receive in my first desert. Not because people were unwilling, but because they did not know better. Most were simply repeating what had been done to them.
I know I am not the only one who has felt spiritually lost in the very places that were supposed to bring life. There are people — many of them — who have been hurt by the church, angry with God, or left carrying wounds they have never had space to name.
Some have lost hope. Some have lost faith. And some are still sitting in the silence, wondering if anyone sees them.
I do not pretend to have all the answers. I am not here to fix anyone. I am not the Holy Spirit. But I do know what it is like to be in the wilderness. And I know what it means to be met there — not with shame, but with compassion.
What I have been given, I want to offer. Empathy. Presence. Friendship. Companionship. A non-judgmental space to breathe, to be, and to begin again.
That is what Sacred Friendship is.
That is what I have to give.
To be Continued
Next: The invitation—what if this could be for you, too?
